Perry Answers Your Beefs About Christmas

Dear Perry,

I'm Angry!

To the hordes of middle-class dribblers out there to whom Christmas means nothing more than an excuse to spend excessive amounts of money on food that will go off before it's eaten and hundreds of toys for children who are so ridiculously spoilt that they'll never even play with half of them I say fine... go spend... Merry Christmas... but while you're enjoying p*ssing your $40 bottles of Chateau De B*tch P*ss up against the side of the house on New Years eve and dribbling it all over your latest $200 brogues... give a little thought to the hundreds of thousands of people who have absolutely next to f*ck-all to celebrate... The Homeless, The Poor, The Infirm both at home and abroad who not only have nothing but have had to watch basically 3 months of TV and Shop Windows detailing EXACTLY what they CAN'T have and WON'T be able to enjoy.

I am SICK to the back teeth of this increasingly widening mass commercialization of what should be a time of coming together and being a family.

I KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS. I'M THIRTY F*CKING FOUR. I'VE HAD THIRTY F*CKING FOUR OF THEM. I DO NOT NEED TO BE REMINDED IN F*CKING OCTOBER THANKS VERY MUCH.

Society is truly on it's *ss and as far as I'm concerned it can stick it's own version of the 'Season of giving' (cash to Fat Sweaty Cats that is) up it's cavernous *ss.

Anonymous and Angry

*****

Dear Anonymous and Angry,

I understand your perplexion at this phenomenon and I address that here.

Being a cat, I resent your reference to "Fat Sweaty Cats". I do, however, empathize with your sentiments about Christmas in the United States.

First, let me say for a country that is so socially sensitive about religion, the embarrassing commercialization of this Christian holiday surprises me. Why is it even a holiday and recognized by the government? To be politically correct, this holiday should be dropped from the calendar entirely. We should go straight from Thanksgiving (an activity in which everyone may participate, religious or no) to New Years Day (which, technically, should fall on December 22nd, the shortest day of the year)

This year, Americans are suffering the Christmas crunch and that is forcing retailers and related businesses to advertise like wildmen. With the price of oil so high, and the subsequent fallout of milk, corn, and shipping in general following right along, consumers have less discretionary income. Then, too, the rising rate of recalls on toys for children has made people wary of what they are purchasing for their offspring. Toy stores are hurting with their unsaleable inventories and jacking up the prices of safe toys to make up the difference. (As a side note, some single men are buying and making necklaces for women from the beads that turn into Rohypnal when moistened)

Not to excuse the premature infatuation, but Christmas is a time for humans to feel good about themselves. They take on the "Christmas Cheer" and imagine "Goodwill Toward Men". They think about being good to others, but they've already made their thanks in November and don't feel obligated to share with anyone but their loved ones. Retailers reinforce this mindset with ideas of homey, snuggly fires and snow falling gently outside. (Even though Americans live in such varied climates as Arctic glaciers, vast deserts and tropical islands) The American Christmas is about family.

Of course, most humans can't stand their families, well some of them, anyways, and stress rules supreme during the "holiday season". People compensate with massive doses of high-fat, high calorie, high colestrol, yummy, tasty foods. They over-bake in anticipation of family stress, but end up with tons of leftovers nationally due to the massive consumption of alcohol. Often, humans remain intoxicated from mid-November until the close of the season January 2nd.

As for those of us who do not fall into the category of "Average American", the homeless, the poor, the elderly, the lonely, the battered, the hungry, the ill, relatively small groups of people work hard to induce guilt into the mainstream population in order to provide food, clothing and gifts for these folks. Paradoxically, the same retailers who thrive on the Christmas holiday also turn away bell ringers from the Salvation Army who are raising funds for food and shelter for those left behind in America. Go figure.

The best gift anyone can give during the holidays (and any other time of the year) is the gift of service. Thanksgiving, the kitchens and food pantries are overstaffed with people wanting to help out. The remainder of the year, however, they cry for volunteers.

For Christmas, pick up an angel or two from the trees in the mall and buy warm clothes for children who are in the welfare system. Go buy some of those expensive toys and take them to the Marine Corps annual Toys for Tots program. Take your food (not leftovers) and go have dinner at the senior center. Buy a set of dishes and pots and pans for the battered women's shelter. Buy some nice, warm blankets and take them to the people out on the streets, freezing in their old clothes.

That's what Christmas is about. If all the spending at Christmas went where it was needed, there would be very little need.

Oh, and by the way, there is no role for cats in Christmas, so it isn't much of a holiday as far as I'm concerned.

Perry Tenitiss
perryforpresident@gmail.com
www.myspace.com/catmandeux