This Is For the Birds

I don't even know where to start, this is so upsetting, but I guess I'll start with the pinecone.




This afternoon I was lying on the back of the couch playing with mom's hair and knocking off her glasses (she wasn't paying enough attention to me) just minding my own business. Dad was in his chair playing with the other computer (mom won't let him touch hers anymore) and Kemper Kitty was out front with The Emily while she smoked one of those sticks that make her stinky. I'm pretty sure Uncle Jim and his Darla were out in the garage.



Suddenly KK comes running in the door shouting, "Grampa! Grampa! Come see this! I found a pinecone!" Grampa (dad) finally got up and went out to see what KK was so excited about. KK gets excited about some pretty odd things, it seems to me, for example this morning The Emily got him up very early to go out and look at the eclipse. (Dad woke me and mom up for it, too, but I refused to go out at that hour). KK told his mom that a toy came out of his room, took a rocket and a pair of scissors and cut the moon. (yes, sometimes he's a bit delusional)



Anyways, dad came back in a few minutes later and said, "Dear, (that's mom) you have to come see this." SO mom got up and went outside. I got up on the horse table and after knocking down two framed photographs, sat and watched out the window. KK was saying he found a pinecone. Then I saw mom lean over and carefully pick it up. It took her two times because the first time it jumped out of her hands. Yup, you heard it right, jumped.



Mom started into the house with what she had picked up cradled in her hands. KK was jumping around her like a terrier on speed. When he came in he was saying, "The bird came out of the pinecone!" He said it more than once, so I'm sure that's what he said. He said it over and over and over. I looked in horror at mom. She nodded at me... yes, it was a birdie.



So mom was thinking it was a sparrow and KK was jumping up and down and dad was looking for something to put the birdie in and The Emily was walking along saying, "Let's call it Breakfast!" Mom followed dad out to the garage because that's where all the stuff is they don't use much. Dad said to Uncle Jim, "I need to find something to put a bird in."



Uncle Jim said, "How 'bout a cat's mouth?" I really like him.



They rummaged around and finally found my soft cat carrier. That's where they put the birdie, in my cat carrier. I couldn't believe it. That's my carrier! It has my fur all over it and everything! But no, they put a stupid birdie into it. Jeesh.



Mom showed the birdie to Uncle Jim and he said, "That's not a sparrow, that's a dove." Mom made a face and said a medium-bad word. Ever since she was working and staying at a place with a fireplace (and a cat and a skunk and a rat), she hasn't been able to stand doves. We had some move into the neighborhood a few years ago and she complains about them all the time. I guess during that stay they nested in her fireplace and "coo-coo"-ed all day and night and it echoed down the chimney. She says it darn near drove her to drink.



So, she and dad and KK went to Petco where they got a huge can of birdie formula (mix it with warm water and feed it to the birdie in a syringe, no less) and a little cage and a couple of other little things. Dang, warm food? I'm lucky if I get soft food!



I already hate this birdie.



Then they put a heater in the cage, made a nest of towels and the birdie is sleeping in my bedroom. Yes, they've locked me and Smokey out. Shameful.



I think The Emily is on the right track with the name. But squab for breakfast just isn't done. I think we should call him "Brunch".\



I'll get them for this.



Hey, maybe Pumpkin can sit on it and hatch it!



Perry

Going to Hell (er... Houston) and Back

Hi! I'm sorry it's been so long, but with all the people around here a cat just can't get time on the computer anymore. We've had a few exciting things going on around here, that is exciting like the Chinese curse exciting. Let me start with last weekend.




As you know mom's eldest human is The Morgan and he has been going to school to learn how to be a vet for humans. Well, last weekend he graduated and got his MD. (I'm not sure what that means, Mad Dog? Man Doctor? Monkey Drawers?) Dad drove us all the way down to Houston from Mouskin. That's ten hours and in Texas the entire time. We kept stopping at McDonalds because they had Shrek toys and Kemper Kitty really wanted them. We got two Shreks and a Boots' girlfriend with a pink collar around her neck. The Shrek said, "Hey!" over and over again. And they got an iron man at Burger King.



When they got there The Morgan and His Beth were there with Mark, their good friend. Mark is a really nice guy and fun. His only handicap is that he can't say, "Fried flying fish." He tried and tried, but never quite got it. However he does an excellent imitation of Dr. Patel.



Mom and Morgan's Beth went to see Sex in the City 2. I tagged along because it was better than staying around with dad and the Morgan. Besides, they had popcorn! The show was kind of boring. It was all about these women who went to this really hot place and rode camels (except for one lady. She must have been an accomplished rider because she could ride anything) Mom said the clothes were very pretty, but you know, I don't wear them, so it doesn't matter to me. Still, there was some nonsense about somebody kissing someone else. I didn't understand what the big deal was. I mean, they didn't even lick one another or anything.



But the popcorn was really good.



We went back to The Morgan's apartment and got a cake on the way home. Chocolate. With decorations, writing and lots of icing. It was almost perfect, except there was no catnip baked in. Jeez, when humans get old they are no fun at all.



So, we went out to dinner at a bunch of places: Turkish, Burger, Sushi (mmmmmm... cat love sushi) and some other places. And at nights we played some games. You had to be able to read to play (which was no problem for me) but you had to hold cards. Of course I have no thumbs and if mom holds my cards she cheats. So I just watched and nibbled the cake. That day we had gone out to a park to take pictures of everyone, including The Morgan with his regalia on. Regalia is a very hot black dress with complicated scarves and a square hat with a cat toy on top. I wanted to play with it, but he was just too tall. While they were taking pictures I saw that the building behind us had lots of windows. I went to look while they were busy. As I got closer I found out it was a CAT TORTURE SITE! Yes, there were windows from the bottom to the top and the building was full of BUTTERFLIES!! They were flitting up and down and left and right and I got so excited I jumped on one...and smashed my face right into the glass. That hurt. But they were so fluttery and so CLOSE. Guess what? I did it again. By the time the humans were ready to leave I had five bent whiskers. A good time was had by all,.



Pretty soon we all had to get dressed up and go to the Graduation. Dad had a new suit and mom had a new suit too, with a top and skirt (!) and even shoes to match (with toenail polish! Personally, I think she lost it temporarily). We went and sat near the front, just a couple seats back from the center of the stage. There was Beth, Mark, Dad and Mom. I sat on Mom's lap so I could see. She laid the program on me while we waited for it to start. The people in front of us were mostly short except for the guy in front of mom. Still, she could see around him. But every time she tried to take a picture she got a tremendous amount of glare from his shiny, bald head. Finally she gave the camera to dad. (Mom has an old lady tremor in her hands and has trouble taking pictures of things far away. That's the other reason)



Pretty soon all the DRs came in and sat in front of us in a group. One of the Superdoctors on the stage stood up and sang without any music. She was so good I didn't even have to cover my ears once! Then the other superdocs started talking, first one then another. Finally one woman stood up. She was mom's favorite because she was the Surgeon General. (At first I thought she was going to be a fish but mom said,"Not sturgeon, surgeon!)



The surgeon general was an Admiral and she was very smart and very interesting and very pretty. I liked her because I she seemed like a real cat person. When The Morgan went up to get his diploma he got his picture taken with her. She has a very pretty smile, too.



So, the next morning we went over to help them pack because they're moving to Chicago. They were trying to finish packing up the truck and everyone of them had overslept. (Of course mom and dad didn't because I woke them up really early, as usual) By the time we got over to The Morgan's apartment the atmosphere was, for a cat, promising. Everyone was hot and sweaty and uncomfortable. They were in a hurry and trying to get everything stuffed in the truck and throw out things they didn't need. When Mom and Dad and I got down there people were already angry. So we dove in with vigor.



Dad started vacuuming even though The Morgan didn't want him to. Mom tried to finish up putting some things in boxes and labelling them. When she was finished with that she got some cleaner and a paper towel and went to clean a spot on the wall where something had made it black by rubbing against it. She was just starting when The Morgan came in all hot and distracted and said, "Don't chip any paint off that wall!" Mom and I looked at one another in amazement. Mom said to The Morgan, "I'm just using some cleaner and a paper towel." The Morgan said, "Just don't chip the paint!"



I looked at the dark spot with mom and saw there was some paint which had been chipped off before we even got there. So to be on the safe side, mom said, "There was already some paint chipped here, Morgan." The Morgan answered, "Just-don't-chip-any-more!" Mom looked down at her paper towel and shrugged. She got up and put her stuff away. It didn't seem to be cleaning up anyways and the stress levels were getting higher among the youngsters.



Mom waited until The Distracted Morgan and His Ticked Off Beth left the apartment with a load for the trash and said, "Dad, we need to go," with great emphasis. He didn't get it the first time.

"I want to tape up these boxes."

Mom said again, "We need to GO."

Dad said, "We aren't done yet."

Mom looked him in the eye and said, "We NEED to GO!"

Dad finally got it. We went outside and said goodby to everyone. We got in the car and mom finally sighed.

Mom said, "They didn't need us there, we were just adding stress." Dad just nodded and gave her a sideways look.



Then we drove to Cleveland. Texas, that is and visited mom's friend Zoe. She and her husband moved to a house there close to Houston. The house was really cool. It had lots of places for cats to wait and POUNCE! There were stairs, rooms with little lofts for beds or storage or just to bump your head, funky closets, rooves, porches, refrigerators, furniture, overlooks, windows, walkways... it was HEAVENLY. The only possible drawback I could see was a part Jack Russell terrier named Jack who was a little spooky. There was lots of lawns and trees and stuff around there, too. But Zoe said there were snakes and stuff, so I stayed on the porch. We sat around and shot the bull (that's what mom said, although there was no bovine in evidence as far as I could tell). A good time was had by all. Then we packed up and got back in the car for the loooooooooong ride back to Mouskin.



We were nearly home when we saw a thunderstorm ahead. We saw the lightning from about forty miles away. The storm started out slowly, then began pouring down rain. Lightning was striking everywhere and the noise was thunderous. In fact, I saw lightning form a LOOP! Yes, half way down it made a loop, a circle in the lightning, before it finished going to the ground. I thought I'd been seeing things, but mom saw it too. Wow! Now I can say I've seen a meteorological anomoly with my own two eyes! Well, I can type it, anyways.



So we got home and the dogs were insane, as usual. You would have thought mom and dad were lost in Iraq and thought dead for the last five years by the way they acted. They were jumping and barking and wagging and dancing around. I'm not sure why dogs are like that. I speculate they either have very short memories or they are extremely insecure. Or maybe it's both. Or maybe they just need a touch of drama...every day.



So, that's our trip to Houston, or as mom likes to call it, Hell. It's hot and uncomfortable and smells of sulphur and other noxious odors. If I had fingers I would have put a clothespin on my nose. Really!



Now I guess everywhere around the Gulf of New Mexico (as a local newsgirl recently called it) smells noxious due to the BP oil spew. Fortunatley cats don't worry too much about that as we don't much care for water. And I'm all for anything that makes life tougher for birdies. But honestly, you humans need to start thinking about where you want to live. Because if you keep doing stuff like this, none of us will be able to live here anymore.

Our Little Visit to Hell

So, The Morgan graduated from school finally this last weekend.