Doin' the Charles

Mom and I have been busy here in the Charles.  First of all we are working with Jan, Jim and Jose.  Mom feels left out because her name doesn't start with J, but it doesn't bother me.  After all, I'm the cat and they are all in awe of my majestic demeanor.  Well, I don't worry about fitting in with humans, anyways.  Still, I remind mom that they may start with Js, but Jose is a four letter word.  And the boss is named Andy (like the doll) and that's a four letter word as well.  I think it made her feel better.  Either that or she just started ignoring me again.

We've been visiting some unusual people who need some kind of help or another.  The other day we went to a place where the lady had a puppy.  I have to admit, with his orange and black tiger stripes, he was awfully cute for a dog.  Mom bent down to pet him and he flopped over on his back to get his belly rubbed and peed on her hand.  I snickered, but mom gave me a dirty look.  Still, she petted the dog some more (I guess he was empty) and the lady there said she had two of those puppies but lost one who ran off.  The lady had pink eye, so when we got in the car everyone washed their hands with wipes.

The next place we went wasn't too far away.  When we got there, there were a lot of dogs, so I stayed on the roof of the car.  I couldn't tell which the lady there had more of, dogs or junk.  She had one trailer that was full of puppies (and all the stuff puppies do).  The dogs there were so thin and hungry looking, I was very upset.  You could see their ribs and hip bones.  I thought someone should contact the ASPCA or something, but you know, who listens to the cat?  Still, it was very upsetting.

Mom and Jan got out of the car to talk to the older lady there.  She had lots of wrinkles around her nose and had bare feet.  When Jan mentioned the brindle pup dancing around her feet, the woman said, "Yeah, that pup just showed up one day.  I don't know where he came from."  

Jan brightened up and said, "I bet I know where that puppy came from.  The lady we just visited said she had two pups like that but one disappeared and she lives just up the road!"

The woman gave her the stink eye and said, "Yeah, that's my sister in law.  She says I killed my husband."  Jan and mom were speechless (a rarity for mom) and I just snickered.  The guys were inside the car and didn't hear what the woman said, but they saw the reactions.  Still, they just stayed there, letting the gals wing it. 

"After being married for thirty years, my sister in law says I killed my husband!"  the woman continued.  Mom, I could see, was dying to ask her if she did.  Then she said, "My son, he's in prison."

Jan started to get the conversation back on track when a younger woman sidled out of the human trailer, kind of slinking like the dogs.  She stopped a ways off and just looked at all of us.  Then she came a little closer, then stopped, then got close enough to join the conversation.  Jan was telling the first woman what paperwork she would need to collect.  She turned to the new woman and said, "Maybe you can help her get her papers together."

Older woman piped up, "Naw, nobody can know where she is.  She's hiding out here.  She doesn't have an address or a phone number.  She doesn't exist."  That confused me a bit as clearly, she did exist.  She continued, "A guy she put in prison is trying to kill her."

Then the younger woman finally said something.  "Oh, yeah, but I put him in prison for fifteen years.  He stabbed me in the chest and held me hostage for three days."  Then they started taking turns.

Older woman:  "She's my daughter in law."

Younger woman: "Yeah, he's in prison."

Older: "Somebody came around here looking for her."

Younger: "I can't let anyone know where I live."

Older: "His name was Cadillac."

Younger: "He'll be getting out soon."

Older: "You know how those people are."  No, I don't.  Are they car dealers?  Native Americans?  French Canadians? 

I was confused. 

Finally Jan got the information across to both women and we got in the car and left.  Mom and Jan told the guys what happened and they barely believed it. 

We also went to a man's house and asked to talk to him.  We were in the living room and there was a lady on the couch.  When Jos (I changed his name to a three letter word) asked for him, the lady said, "Yer not lookin' at him, but yer talkin' to him.  That confused everyone.  Mom did a quick glance at her chest and confirmed she was a woman.  Jan thought she might be a he who cross dressed.  I think Jos was taken aback.  Personally I knew what she was talking about.  She was being a smart aleck and instead of saying 'I'm his wife'  she said that.  Well, if confusion was the goal, it worked.  The rest of the interview went well, though, after everyone sat down because she felt intimidated because we were all standing over her.  (Except for me.  I was curled up on her daughter's lap purring)

Today we moved into and apartment at an old downtown department store that's been refurbished.  It has a washer and dryer.  Mom loves that.  It's very nice with wooden floors and hardly any doors.  I can run the whole length of the place without stopping then jump up into the wooden blinds.  They make a lot of noise and it really freaks mom out.  I love it. 

Well, it's time to go.  I'm getting the hairy eyeball from you  know who.  She wants me to leave her alone so she can watch tv.

I'll catch you up again soon.

Perry

This Is For the Birds

I don't even know where to start, this is so upsetting, but I guess I'll start with the pinecone.




This afternoon I was lying on the back of the couch playing with mom's hair and knocking off her glasses (she wasn't paying enough attention to me) just minding my own business. Dad was in his chair playing with the other computer (mom won't let him touch hers anymore) and Kemper Kitty was out front with The Emily while she smoked one of those sticks that make her stinky. I'm pretty sure Uncle Jim and his Darla were out in the garage.



Suddenly KK comes running in the door shouting, "Grampa! Grampa! Come see this! I found a pinecone!" Grampa (dad) finally got up and went out to see what KK was so excited about. KK gets excited about some pretty odd things, it seems to me, for example this morning The Emily got him up very early to go out and look at the eclipse. (Dad woke me and mom up for it, too, but I refused to go out at that hour). KK told his mom that a toy came out of his room, took a rocket and a pair of scissors and cut the moon. (yes, sometimes he's a bit delusional)



Anyways, dad came back in a few minutes later and said, "Dear, (that's mom) you have to come see this." SO mom got up and went outside. I got up on the horse table and after knocking down two framed photographs, sat and watched out the window. KK was saying he found a pinecone. Then I saw mom lean over and carefully pick it up. It took her two times because the first time it jumped out of her hands. Yup, you heard it right, jumped.



Mom started into the house with what she had picked up cradled in her hands. KK was jumping around her like a terrier on speed. When he came in he was saying, "The bird came out of the pinecone!" He said it more than once, so I'm sure that's what he said. He said it over and over and over. I looked in horror at mom. She nodded at me... yes, it was a birdie.



So mom was thinking it was a sparrow and KK was jumping up and down and dad was looking for something to put the birdie in and The Emily was walking along saying, "Let's call it Breakfast!" Mom followed dad out to the garage because that's where all the stuff is they don't use much. Dad said to Uncle Jim, "I need to find something to put a bird in."



Uncle Jim said, "How 'bout a cat's mouth?" I really like him.



They rummaged around and finally found my soft cat carrier. That's where they put the birdie, in my cat carrier. I couldn't believe it. That's my carrier! It has my fur all over it and everything! But no, they put a stupid birdie into it. Jeesh.



Mom showed the birdie to Uncle Jim and he said, "That's not a sparrow, that's a dove." Mom made a face and said a medium-bad word. Ever since she was working and staying at a place with a fireplace (and a cat and a skunk and a rat), she hasn't been able to stand doves. We had some move into the neighborhood a few years ago and she complains about them all the time. I guess during that stay they nested in her fireplace and "coo-coo"-ed all day and night and it echoed down the chimney. She says it darn near drove her to drink.



So, she and dad and KK went to Petco where they got a huge can of birdie formula (mix it with warm water and feed it to the birdie in a syringe, no less) and a little cage and a couple of other little things. Dang, warm food? I'm lucky if I get soft food!



I already hate this birdie.



Then they put a heater in the cage, made a nest of towels and the birdie is sleeping in my bedroom. Yes, they've locked me and Smokey out. Shameful.



I think The Emily is on the right track with the name. But squab for breakfast just isn't done. I think we should call him "Brunch".\



I'll get them for this.



Hey, maybe Pumpkin can sit on it and hatch it!



Perry

Going to Hell (er... Houston) and Back

Hi! I'm sorry it's been so long, but with all the people around here a cat just can't get time on the computer anymore. We've had a few exciting things going on around here, that is exciting like the Chinese curse exciting. Let me start with last weekend.




As you know mom's eldest human is The Morgan and he has been going to school to learn how to be a vet for humans. Well, last weekend he graduated and got his MD. (I'm not sure what that means, Mad Dog? Man Doctor? Monkey Drawers?) Dad drove us all the way down to Houston from Mouskin. That's ten hours and in Texas the entire time. We kept stopping at McDonalds because they had Shrek toys and Kemper Kitty really wanted them. We got two Shreks and a Boots' girlfriend with a pink collar around her neck. The Shrek said, "Hey!" over and over again. And they got an iron man at Burger King.



When they got there The Morgan and His Beth were there with Mark, their good friend. Mark is a really nice guy and fun. His only handicap is that he can't say, "Fried flying fish." He tried and tried, but never quite got it. However he does an excellent imitation of Dr. Patel.



Mom and Morgan's Beth went to see Sex in the City 2. I tagged along because it was better than staying around with dad and the Morgan. Besides, they had popcorn! The show was kind of boring. It was all about these women who went to this really hot place and rode camels (except for one lady. She must have been an accomplished rider because she could ride anything) Mom said the clothes were very pretty, but you know, I don't wear them, so it doesn't matter to me. Still, there was some nonsense about somebody kissing someone else. I didn't understand what the big deal was. I mean, they didn't even lick one another or anything.



But the popcorn was really good.



We went back to The Morgan's apartment and got a cake on the way home. Chocolate. With decorations, writing and lots of icing. It was almost perfect, except there was no catnip baked in. Jeez, when humans get old they are no fun at all.



So, we went out to dinner at a bunch of places: Turkish, Burger, Sushi (mmmmmm... cat love sushi) and some other places. And at nights we played some games. You had to be able to read to play (which was no problem for me) but you had to hold cards. Of course I have no thumbs and if mom holds my cards she cheats. So I just watched and nibbled the cake. That day we had gone out to a park to take pictures of everyone, including The Morgan with his regalia on. Regalia is a very hot black dress with complicated scarves and a square hat with a cat toy on top. I wanted to play with it, but he was just too tall. While they were taking pictures I saw that the building behind us had lots of windows. I went to look while they were busy. As I got closer I found out it was a CAT TORTURE SITE! Yes, there were windows from the bottom to the top and the building was full of BUTTERFLIES!! They were flitting up and down and left and right and I got so excited I jumped on one...and smashed my face right into the glass. That hurt. But they were so fluttery and so CLOSE. Guess what? I did it again. By the time the humans were ready to leave I had five bent whiskers. A good time was had by all,.



Pretty soon we all had to get dressed up and go to the Graduation. Dad had a new suit and mom had a new suit too, with a top and skirt (!) and even shoes to match (with toenail polish! Personally, I think she lost it temporarily). We went and sat near the front, just a couple seats back from the center of the stage. There was Beth, Mark, Dad and Mom. I sat on Mom's lap so I could see. She laid the program on me while we waited for it to start. The people in front of us were mostly short except for the guy in front of mom. Still, she could see around him. But every time she tried to take a picture she got a tremendous amount of glare from his shiny, bald head. Finally she gave the camera to dad. (Mom has an old lady tremor in her hands and has trouble taking pictures of things far away. That's the other reason)



Pretty soon all the DRs came in and sat in front of us in a group. One of the Superdoctors on the stage stood up and sang without any music. She was so good I didn't even have to cover my ears once! Then the other superdocs started talking, first one then another. Finally one woman stood up. She was mom's favorite because she was the Surgeon General. (At first I thought she was going to be a fish but mom said,"Not sturgeon, surgeon!)



The surgeon general was an Admiral and she was very smart and very interesting and very pretty. I liked her because I she seemed like a real cat person. When The Morgan went up to get his diploma he got his picture taken with her. She has a very pretty smile, too.



So, the next morning we went over to help them pack because they're moving to Chicago. They were trying to finish packing up the truck and everyone of them had overslept. (Of course mom and dad didn't because I woke them up really early, as usual) By the time we got over to The Morgan's apartment the atmosphere was, for a cat, promising. Everyone was hot and sweaty and uncomfortable. They were in a hurry and trying to get everything stuffed in the truck and throw out things they didn't need. When Mom and Dad and I got down there people were already angry. So we dove in with vigor.



Dad started vacuuming even though The Morgan didn't want him to. Mom tried to finish up putting some things in boxes and labelling them. When she was finished with that she got some cleaner and a paper towel and went to clean a spot on the wall where something had made it black by rubbing against it. She was just starting when The Morgan came in all hot and distracted and said, "Don't chip any paint off that wall!" Mom and I looked at one another in amazement. Mom said to The Morgan, "I'm just using some cleaner and a paper towel." The Morgan said, "Just don't chip the paint!"



I looked at the dark spot with mom and saw there was some paint which had been chipped off before we even got there. So to be on the safe side, mom said, "There was already some paint chipped here, Morgan." The Morgan answered, "Just-don't-chip-any-more!" Mom looked down at her paper towel and shrugged. She got up and put her stuff away. It didn't seem to be cleaning up anyways and the stress levels were getting higher among the youngsters.



Mom waited until The Distracted Morgan and His Ticked Off Beth left the apartment with a load for the trash and said, "Dad, we need to go," with great emphasis. He didn't get it the first time.

"I want to tape up these boxes."

Mom said again, "We need to GO."

Dad said, "We aren't done yet."

Mom looked him in the eye and said, "We NEED to GO!"

Dad finally got it. We went outside and said goodby to everyone. We got in the car and mom finally sighed.

Mom said, "They didn't need us there, we were just adding stress." Dad just nodded and gave her a sideways look.



Then we drove to Cleveland. Texas, that is and visited mom's friend Zoe. She and her husband moved to a house there close to Houston. The house was really cool. It had lots of places for cats to wait and POUNCE! There were stairs, rooms with little lofts for beds or storage or just to bump your head, funky closets, rooves, porches, refrigerators, furniture, overlooks, windows, walkways... it was HEAVENLY. The only possible drawback I could see was a part Jack Russell terrier named Jack who was a little spooky. There was lots of lawns and trees and stuff around there, too. But Zoe said there were snakes and stuff, so I stayed on the porch. We sat around and shot the bull (that's what mom said, although there was no bovine in evidence as far as I could tell). A good time was had by all. Then we packed up and got back in the car for the loooooooooong ride back to Mouskin.



We were nearly home when we saw a thunderstorm ahead. We saw the lightning from about forty miles away. The storm started out slowly, then began pouring down rain. Lightning was striking everywhere and the noise was thunderous. In fact, I saw lightning form a LOOP! Yes, half way down it made a loop, a circle in the lightning, before it finished going to the ground. I thought I'd been seeing things, but mom saw it too. Wow! Now I can say I've seen a meteorological anomoly with my own two eyes! Well, I can type it, anyways.



So we got home and the dogs were insane, as usual. You would have thought mom and dad were lost in Iraq and thought dead for the last five years by the way they acted. They were jumping and barking and wagging and dancing around. I'm not sure why dogs are like that. I speculate they either have very short memories or they are extremely insecure. Or maybe it's both. Or maybe they just need a touch of drama...every day.



So, that's our trip to Houston, or as mom likes to call it, Hell. It's hot and uncomfortable and smells of sulphur and other noxious odors. If I had fingers I would have put a clothespin on my nose. Really!



Now I guess everywhere around the Gulf of New Mexico (as a local newsgirl recently called it) smells noxious due to the BP oil spew. Fortunatley cats don't worry too much about that as we don't much care for water. And I'm all for anything that makes life tougher for birdies. But honestly, you humans need to start thinking about where you want to live. Because if you keep doing stuff like this, none of us will be able to live here anymore.

Our Little Visit to Hell

So, The Morgan graduated from school finally this last weekend. 

Simple Solutions: Dealing With BP's Oil Disaster

As the situation in the Gulf of Mexico worsens by the hour, the efforts to stem the flow of oil into the environment is beginning to look like, in bird terms, a major cluster flock. British Petroleum (BP), the oil company responsible for the large scale pollution and subsequent loss of animal life, habitat and the accompanying loss of food and jobs for humans, is pouring poisonous chemicals into the mix in an effort to disperse the oil. This despite the fact that the United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has told them most sternly to stop. And here is problem number one: The EPA has no teeth.

Lisa Jackson, current head of the EPA may issue as many warnings and requests as she likes. There is no way to back them up. BP can soak her in oil and until she drowns, there is no enforceable way to stop them. If President Obama were to step in and issue a supportive executive order or any sort of backing for Jackson at all, it would be a huge step forward for the EPA.

The EPA is so powerless that it trains its dozen or so enforcement officers (One for each region. Ours covers Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico. He's a very busy man) not to stand still while on site for inspections so no one will get a good bead on them and shoot them. Obviously, the EPA is more of a "tattle-tale" agency and there is no one to do that spanking.

Let's give the EPA enforcement powers. Let's give them the authority to stop companies in flagrant violation of the Clean Air and Water Acts. Let's give them the powers to close down life-threatening operations immediately. Let's let them do more than suggest fines. And let's protect those dozen guys and gals who are out there trying to protect us from those multi-million dollar companies who don't care if we are poisoned by their moneymaking.

Another problem is the impunity with which BP is handling this situation. First there was the lying about the amount of oil escaping. This went on until government officials demanded BP put a live feed camera on the leak site. Then there was the "blame-shift-shuffle" in front of Congress among BP, Transocean and Haliburton. Here, I believe, there is plenty of blame for all and no one need go without.

Then BP had the US Coast Guard chasing television reporters from the soiled beaches. (and of course, that was live on camera. Plus they announced that all damage assessment and animal rescue should cease in wildlife areas and preserves because they (BP) would be sending in their own experts to take care of that damage, a declaration which was blatantly ignored by those already toiling to save the beaches and wetlands.

The failure to stop the use of dispersants upon request and the subsequent failure to lower the amounts upon request tell us all we need to now about BP. Dispersants make it look like less oil is leaking, therefore a smaller lawsuit.

Meanwhile people's livelihoods are crashing into oblivion and endangered species are rocketing toward extinction. So what to do?

OPTIONS:

Seizure: We can seize all BP holdings in the US and keep them until this is over (if ever). That way when BP balks at paying for this mess, we can just liquidate their holdings and pay for it ourselves.

Dispersants: The dispersants that British Petroleum is using were banned as too dangerous in Britian. That shows us that BP doesn't give a flying rat's butt about our environment. Especially not when they have a safer dispersant stockpiled in a Houston, Texas dockyard. Much safer still is the gentle detergent that is used for cleaning animals and birds covered in crude.

I believe we should load two huge tankers of Dawn dishwashing liquid and take them to the Gulf. There they can be torpedoed and allowed to leak into the same area as the oil spill. Dawn is safer for the animals, it's a pretty color and comes in several lovely scents. There may be some bubbles, but remember, "Dawn gets grease out of your way". Too bad it doesn't work on sleazy executives.

Leak Stop: Finally, stopping the leak. It seems that all of BP's leak containment methods are centered around recovery of oil. The huge concrete bell with the siphon on top was an attempt to cover and recover the leaking oil. These clogging ideas also allow for later recovery. Likewise, the alternative drill sites they are planning to use to take pressure from the leaking well will also provde BP with more oil.

What we really should be doing is finding something big to go over the entire site and just forget about recovering the oil. In the Department of Energy, these items are referred to as BFRs or Big Freaking Rocks. DOEs BRFs cover the enterances to underground bunkers in which plutonium pits are stored. But using a BFR to stop this spill could be just what we need.

We will need to maneuver a large rock or huge concrete pad over the site, then drop in onto the entire area. This will cover the entire ocean floor for at least a half mile around the site. The pipes will be crushed closed and the oil held back in the ground by the weigh of the BFR. Of course, there will be no access to the original well. Will BP agree to that?

If that seems too difficult, perhaps we can take those huge tankers of Dawn and as they sink, guide them into the same position as the BFR would have to be and crush the leak that way. Unfortunately, this option, too, would mean foregoing access to the oil.

So what's more important here? Stopping the oil or saving the oil?

Can You Believe It?

I can't.  There's God-only-knows how much oil leaking into the Gulf of Mexico and the companies involved in the disaster are doing their best to minimize what Americans are seeing.  BP chases reporters off the beach

British Petroleum claims it doesn't know how much oil is leaking but it's pretty clear from NASA photos that it's much worse than anyone has admitted so far. 

And if a cat can find this out, it makes me think the humans are lying.

The current liability cap (yes, there's a cap) for oil companies who create disasters is a measly $75 million dollars.  BP made $5.5 billion dollars during the last quarter.  (That's three months, in case you're wondering)  I don't understand why there even IS a cap.  Why in the world should American taxpayers have to pay for the mistakes of out-of-control oil companies wallowing in money?  $75 million?  That won't even pay for the overtime of the Coast Guard.  A cap?  We should OWN them, then give them back whatever is left.

On the other hand, the US and affected states need to be putting a disaster tax on gasoline, diesel, oil and gas (everything that is coming out of that hole in the Gulf).  I believe that extra income can be used to help fund the difference between the liability cap and the actual billions of dollars it will cost to clean up after BP.  That is if they ever figure out how to stop it to begin with. 

Congress is still blocking efforts to support renewable, non-combustible, clean energy even today.  When I look at the pictures of the spill I want to replace our representatives and senators with people not in the pockets of the oil companies.  Somehow these companies have obtained the rights of individuals to donate to the campaigns of politicians.  We have to either get these "company men" (and women) out of Washington or out of the companies.

British Petroleum, don't tell me you don't know how much damage has happened in the Gulf.  We have the internet now.  And don't tell me it's not your fault, it's Transocean or Haliburton.  You worked this nightmare out together. You can't slip responsibility off on someone else.  You were to benefit from this operation as were the other companies.  In this case you will all hang together.

My God, people, you're almost as bad as Exxon!

An Interesting Day

Well, it's been an interesting day around here. First thing mom was pretty crabby for the first part of it. KK is getting bigger and he tends to hurt her when he runs and jumps now.




Mom decided to take Brigid outside and cut off her fuzzy fur on the porch. KK wanted to come out, but instead of just walking out, he stayed in the doorway and yakked until Kyra ran out. She, of course, took off up the street. KK panicked, shouting, "Kyra's running away! Kyra's running away!" Of course mom wasn't real happy about that, but there was no point in getting mad at KK. He started to run after her and mom yelled, "Don't run after Kyra! She'll come back." After several exchanges, she convinced ol' KK to stick around.



Let me tell you a little about Kyra. She's a tough little terrier mix mom and The Emily picked up at the pound. She's smart, bossy and jealous. And she's mom's syncophant. Kyra is always so close to mom that she trips her. I try to tell her that's a cat's job because we can do it without getting hurt, but Kyra just keeps doing it and keeps getting stepped on. If you hear a yelp, it will be Kyra.



When she makes it out the door, Kyra runs up the street. Her attitude is: They'll send a car for me. AND THEY DO! Everyone starts going nuts while mom just squats in the yard and watches her. Mom knows she'll come back, but everyone else is whacked out, jumping in cars and driving after her. When they get near her they stop and open the door. That's when Kyra jumps in the car and gets a free ride home, her face all covered in smug doggy smile. So when she got out today, KK whacked out.



Anyways, mom continued to snip hair from around Brigid's butt and KK gave a blow by blow of where Kyra was. "She's way down there Mimi" "OH NO! She CROSSED the STREET!" "She's coming back!" "I'm gonna go get her"



Here mom let out a tremendous NO! KK can't go across the street.



Then she came back to the porch and watched mom cut. I think scissors fascinate her. At least she's not afraid of them like Brigid. She's only afraid of the vacuum cleaner.



But I digress.



Mom told KK to open the door to let Kyra in and of course, he opened the door and stood in it. Kyra couldn't get in and started to run away again. Then mom hollared at KK to go inside. He got upset and started crying. Kyra waited on the sidewalk. Mom stood up and called her and the scissors fell out of her lap. That scared Brigid and she tried to bolt. KK said, "OH NO! Brigid's running away too!" And Kyra was heading back towards the front door again while KK tried to get out of the house.



Well, let me tell you, this was a great day to be sunning in the front window.



Mom stomped on Brigid's leash and grabbed KK by the arm. She pulled him out of the doorway and reached down for the leash. (I didn't know she could multi-task!) Then Kyra started to shy away and mom pushed KK into the door and grabbed Kyra's collar, putting her inside the door and pushing it shut. KK started crying because he's not used to his Mimi being abrupt with him. Brigid had sat down in all the trimmed hair and was whining. Kyra barked through the window.



I don't think I've been entertained like this since the bird flew down the chimney.



Finally, when Kyra moved away from the door, mom said KK could come out again. Mom finished up trimming the dog butt and it looks like she has a crew cut on her posterior. Brigid coming at you, Sarge going away. Then Mimi wanted to keep KK busy so she told him to clean up the hair. By the time he was done he was covered in black dog hair.



Later mom decided we'd go shoot some pictures because there were so many pretty clouds in the sky. Besides, she's like a tomato plant. She needs sunlight to be happy. So we hopped in the car and drove around some. We went through Taco Bueno and ordered a veggie bean burrito for mom, a cheesecake chimichanga, a diet coke and a chicken taquito for me (hold the cheese. It makes the litter box stink) Mom tried eating and driving and ended up with black beans on her shirt, the seat, the steering wheel and even me. I wish she'd gotten a taco.



Finally we went out in the boonies to the end of a dirt road. Mom wanted to get out past the power lines to get good pictures. Now let me set this up for you:



The road ended where someone had tried to put in a walled community. There was a huge stone gate at the end of the dirt road. Now that gate was only about 40 yards long on a side, so you could drive along the gate and drive behind it. The folks had also started to put in a road, so it didn't matter if you went through the gate or around it on the side, you ended up in the same place. Ok?



Now, mom just went along the side of the gate to avoid visual obstacles. We got out and flushed some jacks. Those dang rabbits are fast. By the time mom got the cap off her lens they were too far away to get a good picture. So she started taking pictures of the clouds and the rain in the distance and some other stuff there.



Then all the sudden this man drives up in an old blue Chevy (we know it was a Chevy because it had that famous peeling Chevy paint job) He stopped across the dirt road and stared at mom. I got in the car to get a good view of what would happen.



He continued to stare at mom, so she waved at him. He put on his grumpy face. She realized he wanted her to move her car so he could go down that little bit of dirt road to get to the street. N



Now, he could have just turned his wheel a little to the right and gone through the gate, but he just sat there and stared at mom. I know it wasn't because of her stunning beauty because she was still covered in black beans, so I figured "he's a nut". And he was.



Mom finally figured out what he wanted and waved again, took his picture and got into the car. She pulled ahead five feet and he went around her and travelled down the little swatch of road behind her. Mom said, "Yes, you have a dick, so I have to move my car."



What mom did next was great. She turned the car and raced through the gate, cutting him off at the road and getting in front of him. She waved as she went by and took his picture again out the window. He did not look happy, but mom did. She giggled. He honked and she said, "I know, you have a dick." He peeled out to the right when we got to the stop sign. Mom made a left turn. I was in the back window showing him my tail.



Well, then we came home. Mom stopped a couple of places to get a shot here or something there. We scared up some more jacks, but they don't interest me. Mom said it was because they were too fast for me. I could have proven her wrong, but why rise to the bait, eh?



So now we're home and mom's going to load the photos into the computer. Can't wait to see Dick's pictures.



Waiting with baited breath,



Perry

The Cat Takes Control

Hi. This is Perry again, mom's cat. I had to smother her into a coma last night because she was so whacked out. The truth is, she gets all wonky sometimes over stuff that only humans care about. Cat don't give a fat rat's ass.







I've had a bit of a cold lately, hacking and coughing so much I sound like the COPD ward at the VA. Mom keeps talking about taking me to the vet. I don't want to go. Everytime I go there they take something out of me: blood, poop, they even took my goodies! I say, if you want to keep yourself together, stay away from the vets.






Smokey is doing well. Mom's gotten some soft food again so we're all dining on Turkey and Stuffing. (well, I'm not so sure about the stuffing, but it's good) Pumpkin has gone completely feral. We have the only domesticated wild cat-chicken in the world, I think. Well, if you know of any, hollar at us. They should really get together.






I think Brigid is having a puppy. Everywhere in the house are clumps of black fur. Mom told her (before the coma) that she should just go ahead and have a puppy as dad and she have picked up enough to make a new dog. Mom even took her out for 20 minutes in a high wind and brushed her over and over. There was so much fur in the lawn it looked like a wombat exploded. Still she's shedding. It's a spring thing. And a dog thing, I guess. So mom told her, "Brigid, why don't you go ahead and have a puppy? At least we could clean it all up at once!" If anyone likes to knit or crochet, we can send you the fur to make your own puppy. Man's best friend...






Dad loves his new washing machine. It's very tall, but it opens in the front. But so far, I haven't been able to get Pumpkin in there. She could use a good washer ride, too. Mom and Dad are getting too old to catch her. I just watch and laugh.


Anyways, all he does is wash, wash, wash. He's a gadget freak from way back. He had one of the first Ataris in town, I heard, and played pong until mom almost wigged out. She still can't stand to see white bricks.






The Emily has been nicer since Uncle Jim moved in. He's ok, mostly ignores me. That's good. He's freaking six foot six! I'd like to climb him, really. I could touch the ceiling lamps! But he get kinda grumpy about the claws thing. He fixed up a new potty (that's a human litter box, sort of) so that it sits on a two inch pedestal. Dad says he feels like a king on his throne. Mom says (before the coma) that she's going to have to get a stool like Kemper Kitty used. He's litter box trained now and goes to school every morning. That gives us all a chance to snooze without fear. At least for a little while.






Well, dad's heading off to visit mom in the coma ward. They said she quit breathing (gee, how did that happen? Surely not a cat on her face!) for so long she might be brain damaged. Dad said, "no change there." He wants to unplug her, but then I won't have internet access, so he's going to wait.






Oh, it's a miracle! She's coming down the hall! (don't let her see this)






Swiftly,


Perry

Perry on the Death Penalty

Ok, I've decided to run for governor of Texas.

The current governor is named Rick Perry, so I've already got a lot of name recognition. And on this month's cover of Texas Monthly the headline was, "Perry for President!!???!!".

Needless to say, I wrote in to the editor and told them that slogan was already in use, that Perry (me) had already run for president and that the current governor had best not sully the Perry name. We'll just see how that goes.

I decided to tackle the issue of the death penalty here in Texas as the first subject in my platform. Texas is famous for its death penalty. In the words of comedian Ron White, "We have a death penalty and we use it." If you are convicted of a capital crime in Texas, guilty or not, retarded or not, your chanced of a commutation or a pardon are smaller than miniscule. As governor of Texas,George W. Bush presided over no less than 156 executions.  As of June 2009, Rick Perry has 200 under his belt.
Many in Texas feel the death penalty is being used unfairly, that it targets minorities. Statistics tend to support that claim.  If the death penalty is being used unfairly, charging minority criminals with capital crime for the same behavior as a majority criminal who is tried for a murder, not capital, then people who are making this claim are correct. In many states when this particular argument arises, a moratorium is put on executions until the facts are sorted out. In Texas executions continue until someone can prove otherwise. We like our death penalty.

However, in order to administer the ultimate punishment more fairly, I think humans should treat one another like they treat us. Criminals should go to the pound.
When dogs and cats are found roaming the streets, they are taken into custody by animal control. Once at the detention facility, their value to society is tested. If they have implanted identification devices, their caretakers are called to come pick them up. A fine is paid and the animal goes back home. If there is a collar and a license, the same process occurs. Should the animal's caretaker choose, he can leave the animal to the fate of the state.

Animals who have no identification are assessed for their socialization skills and put into a closed-ended adoption program. Once the adoption exposure period is up, the animals are executed. Those who have assaulted a human are put into observation cells. Then they are executed. And in many cities, Staffordshire Terriers and their mixed breed offspring are killed outright for their heritage alone. This system is very close to the human justice system in Texas.

What I propose is this: Institute a pound program to the Texas penal system. Everyone has to have a license. It will show where they live, who their doctor is and if their shots are up to date. These licenses will be worn around the neck. Should a human be caught without his license or exhibit bad behavior. he goes to the pound.

A human who commits an assault on another human (or animal. Hey, we have to protect ourselves) will be brought in for observation. If they prove to be incorrigible or have rabies, they will be destroyed in a vacuum chamber into which they will be placed and the air sucked out until they are dead. This is considered humane for animals and so should be humane for humans as well. (After all, the spelling is nearly identical)
Humans thought to be redeemable will be put into resocialization and then the adoption program. If adopted they will be licensed (for a fee) and the adopters will be responsible for getting all their shots up to date and either spaying or neutering them, whichever is appropriate.

With this system, the truly dangerous humans will be dealt with in a fair and humane manner. There is no appeal process. If you have bitten, you die. That is that. And humans who wish to remain in society can be returned.
Here licensing is the key. This process will be updated as vaccinations and other important information are acquired. Humans who turn on their fellows can be taken out of the population and dealt with in an efficient manner. Those who run rogue will be identified and taken to the pound for whatever retraining or adoption procedures are deemed necessary. And those who do not fit into the system at all, well they are dealt with as we are dealt with... humane destruction.

And so the problems inherent in capital punishment are solved. The pound system is already proven successful by the low rate of feral domestic animals in our country and the even lower occurence of rabies in our pets. Trained pets are happy pets. Spayed and neutered pets don't have those hormone induced behaviors like spraying and fighting and killing their offspring which get them in so much trouble. The system works.

So Texas, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, or rather, what's good for the cat is good for the man. It's time to mandate licensing humans and replace the justice system with the pound.

I think it will work. Don't you?

For more on Perry's Campaign go here.

Healthcare: The Big Scam

This is in answer to someone who said we didn't need a public option.  As I understand it, the public option only benefits the insurance companies.  Everyone, however, needs access to quality health care.  So:


Dear Sir,


I have a preexisting condition that even with generics costs about $6000 per year in medications. When we retire we will be paying both halves of our insurance or I will have to commit a crime or be institutionalized in order to keep my meds coming.


If we don't have medical coverage for everyone we will be paying in more taxes to pay for indigent care in government owned facilities, public health to protect the general population from communicable diseases, immunizations, disability, homelessness, welfare, state mental health care and prison for violent offenders who are not getting their psych meds. This doesn't even take into account children who are orphaned or virtually orphaned when their parents die or become permanently disabled from diseases that they cannot afford to treat because they have no health insurance.


We have a public health care system that is one of the finest in the world: The Veteran's Administration. This model can be used to create a health care system for the rest of the country. Why should we have to pay for loss of property values, public housing, welfare benefits and child support for people who, if treated, could continue to work and pay their mortgages instead of have to quit because they have a treatable cancer but no (or not enough) health insurance?


Why is it Americans think that providing health care to everyone is a bad thing?  Health is a public issue. Asthma is the disease that causes the most absenteeism in school children in the country and costs our education system millions.  The elderly live in fear of the whims of politicians changing their currently sub-standard care. And people without health care or medicare pay up to twice as much for treatments like coronary bypasses. Why should someone without insurance pay that much more than medicare patients?


The current health care system is designed to put people out on the street if they have a catastrophic illness. Therefore, only the rich can survive being extrememly ill or having a bad accident. Because if insurance companies continuously attempt to deny coverange... that is their knee jerk response. 


Perhaps it is a quiet form of genocide.


And why isn't the health care system run by doctors?  They know what's going on and what's needed. It is in other countries and is quite successful. So what if you have to wait six months for a hip replacement? After six months, you have your hip replacement. You don't get put off because of fighting with an insurance companyuntil it's too late.


There is no reason for insurance companies to be in charge of our health care. They are not the patients, they are not the doctors. They are just the people who have managed to put themselves in a place to collect money no matter what the medical outcome.


I've been in the public sector for thirty five years. All programs run toward entropy. We need reins on insurance companies. This is a good first step. Giving insurance companies more leeway (like interstate rights) will just make the system more susceptible to fraud and abuse. Deregulation is never good for the average citizen.  But it's "gud fer bidness".


What's my stake in this?  I'm a citizen.  I'm not retirement age, but with any luck I will be.  I'd like to live to be a healthy senior citizen, a condition which will require preventative medical care.  This is a plan which is in direct opposition to the financial interests of insurance companies.   I just hope someone sees the light soon.

Mom and the Flu

My mom's been sick. Not the "going to die from some disease" kind of sick, but still, pretty sick. I'm pretty sure she's had the flu. Now I don't know how she got the flu. She had both the regular flu shot and the H1N1 flu shot. And that was way back in December before Christmas.

It started, strangely enough, with her teeth. She went to the movies and had some popcorn. Then her mouth started to hurt, so she brushed and brushed and flossed and flossed but there was no popcorn in there. Still, it got all inflamed and hurt.

Then she had about a week where we were all about to get in trouble. Every day she got up and said she felt like someone had beaten the crap out of her while she was asleep. Of course since we cats slept on the bed, we were the prime suspects. But the damage was much too painful for it to have been us, even if all three of us had been beating her. Even with sticks! So mom decided that her recent work carrying stuff into her classroom might be the problem.

But then she started getting headaches and a sinus infection. Then a sore throat and a cough. And a fever. Now that was fine with Smokey. She only weighs two feathers and is always cold. Snuggling up around mom with a 102 temperature was fine with her. Of course it was a little inconvenient for her as mom was always talking in her sleep, rolling around, flipping the covers off and on. And always with that cough that sounded like her lungs were going to come flying out.

And she had major hair issues. Sometimes she took a shower then fell asleep before her hair was all dry. One day we dubbed her Hammer Head because of her hair issues. Smokey and I snickered behind our paws all that day. I'll include a picture.

Of course all of this all this happened during the worst blizzard we've had in a decade. Thursday the entire town of Mouskin was snowbound and Friday most everything was closed. By Sunday, mom was sick enough to think about going to the ER.

When she got there, there were so many people waiting in the "flu section" that she turned around and walked right back out again. Mom wasn't about to take a chance on bringing home the latest version of whatever was new at the local hospital. Hospitals are the best place to go if you want to get sick.

Monday mom was too sick to remember to call her doctor, but on Tuesday she finally got in there. The doctor decided she had the flu, (sur-PRISE!) and gave her some cough medicine and antibiotics. The cough medicine makes her really sleepy, so Smokey and I have been having a lot of fun dragging up little pieces of paper and little toys and cat food and other stuff and piling it on her face. Did you know she twitches?

So mom's feeling much better now and we're all happy about that. She hardly ever uses her cough medicine now, so I think she'll be doing ok by the time her whatever-cillin runs out. In the meantime, we're all taking good care of her, snuggling up and making sure she doesn't die in her sleep and stuff. (She doesn't like that part, but oh, well! Her health is more important to us than worrying about her getting mad about me sharpening my claws on her head at 4:00 in the morning, right?)