Merry Christmas, Terrorists!

You will be happy to know that Mike Chertoff, head of Homeland Security, this week gave us our annual "Merry Christmas Scare-Ya". He reminded us that TERRORISM is still right there at our doors waiting to spring when we are not looking, tear out our throats and leave America dying in a huge pool of blood. Hey, Happy Holidays to you, too, Mikey!

According to the Homeland Security website, our official threat level for the holidays is YELLOW and the aviation threat level is ORANGE. You know and I know that we will never get down to GREEN or even BLUE, (which is really out of order, amplitudally speaking) nor will it ever be RED, because that will mean that there is not longer a threat, but an attack. I think this whole system is a bunch of colorful bull.

The truth is, all the terrorism in America this year has come from Americans.

Tell me, what are the most horrible, deadly things that have happened over the past year?

Just yesterday six students were shot at a schoolbus stop in Las Vegas in an altercation over a girl. Mikey is right, the holiday season IS a bad time for American terrorism: mall shootings in Nebraska, church shootings in Colorado, in April a shooter killed 32 people at Virginia Tech and these are only the BIG stories. Other school invasions and shootings occur leaving one or more student dead, sexually assaulted and/or held hostage. And that's just the schools. Americans never know when some nut is going to take a pot-shot at them: on the highway? At McDonalds? Going to a wedding? A funeral? Isn't there ANY place safe anymore?

I don't understand why President Bush and his Homeland Security have made such a bug-a-boo about foreign terrorists. More Americans have died from Bush starting the war with Iraq than in the 9-11 attacks. If we're fighting foreign terrorism, should we really be doing their job for them? I think they just got lucky because the Bush administration was full of dumbasses. The real threat to America is Americans, both at large and in the administration.

So, maybe it's time to quit teaching our kids that the way to solve problems is violence. Indiana Jones was funny when he pulled a gun and shot the guy he was fighting with a whip, but really, do you need to bring a gun to a fist fight? Isn't there another way to solve disagreements besides killing one another?

In the animal world, we don't fight to the death. We bluster and bite and hiss and claw, but when one of us beats the tar out of the other, the tarless one gives. Humans used to cry UNCLE! Now they yell EAT HOT LEAD! Sheesh, and you people are in charge of the planet.

I hear that guns don't kill people and that's true, I guess. Guns don't aim shoot on their own, cars don't get drunk and run over people, and knives don't throw themselves into people's ribs.

Mom knows a lady who was run over by a drunk driver. She was out looking for her cat one evening. When she crossed the road, the guy ran right into her. She went under the car and got smooshed down. Then he didn't stop and dragged her along for two blocks, smearing pieces of her all over the road the entire way. (the cat showed up home about the same time, all fine and dandy) That's bad enough.

But over in Amarillo, a high school student Brandon Camp killed Brian Deneke, another student, by running over him in his mother's Cadillac because the group of people Brian ran around with wore dark clothes, piercings and funny hair. Brandon drove over him yelling, "I'm a ninja in my Cadillac!"

Camp, a bloated jock, was given a suspended sentence and at graduation was applauded by the student body. Amarillo is a pretty sick place. Deneke was a pacifist, an artist and was planning to get his mohawk cut in the next few days for his family photo because it would make his parents happy. He died in his brother's arms.

As a cat, I can honestly say I abhor violence (except maybe against some nasty birdies, and then only if I can get through the screen). Homeland Security is rightly named. Most of our violent attacks start right here at home.

Merry Christmas, Mikey!